Looking back is almost too painful. Peeking ahead is scary.

So Shay, the 25-year-old former Stanford distance running ace, tries to take each moment as she would the final few laps of a 10,000-meter race.

"I certainly don't feel strong," Shay said. "I feel like I'm just kind of scrapping by. It's the end of the race, and you're using every trick you can to get one foot in front of the other.

"That's what I feel like right now."

Four months from now, Shay hopes to achieve the dream of any athlete by earning a spot on the U.S. Olympic team.

Four months ago, she experienced an unimaginable nightmare when her husband, Ryan Shay, dropped dead of a heart attack 5 miles into the Olympic marathon trials in New York City.

Four months before that, Alicia and Ryan were married.

"I don't know how you define what he's left me with," Shay said. "We planned to spend the rest of our lives together. I keep the hopes and the dreams we had together. I can only, obviously, fulfill so many of those on my own."